Monday, March 13, 2006

maybe this well take some off my mind

I hate feelings.
the feelings of loneliness... and missing something.

I've been thinking a lot lately... especially since I couldn't sleep.

I kind of miss Danville... sounds crazy b/c I wanted to leave so badly. But things were simpler there... boring but simple.

I miss touching someone one.
I miss comfort.

to cuddle would be so nice right now.


I've been thinking a lot...

there was this idea?... proposal?.... question?..... asked last summer...
it went sort of unanswered... not talked about... just left as is

is this a one time thing or more than once.... something to that nature.
I never really said anything.

Things weren't awkward... it didn't change anything.

no feelings
just friends having fun

now it wasn't the best ever... but it was something I hadn't had in a while
it was nice.

but was never brought up again.

maybe it should have been.
maybe it should have been more than a one time thing.

no commitment
not strong deep feelings
not complicating the friendship

just friends comforting each other
being there


it's been a long time... and why I'm thinking of this now is beyond me.

I miss you.

I don't really know how to explain it.

I'm lonely... and have been for sometime now I guess.
I'm not looking for a relationship or very deep feelings.
I just want to know someone is there.
I guess I want comfort.

why think about it now though?

I almost want to bring it up... but what would come of that.
I wouldn't want the wrong things to be thought.
I wouldn't want to change things or make the awkward... it didn't before.
but
I guess.... it's been so long.... things have changed so much... this idea might seem crazy, odd, or ridiculous to him.

I don't even know why I'm writing about it.
it seems to be helping me feel a little better... sort out my thoughts.

but then again... maybe he didn't bring up for a reason... and I'm being silly... like I couldn't take a hint or something.
I'd feel really bad if it was left as is ... not b/c we both aren't very forward about things and was worried/ concerned of what the other person thought and wasn't sure about the other persons feelings on the subject., but he wanted it that way.

then that would make me thinking about it.... well weird.

oh well
alone
and
uncomforted me.


maybe I'll write me more often... no one reads it... but it helps to "put it out there"
put it somewhere besides just on my mind.

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