my_lovely_life____haha

i have become what i hate

Oh dear.
I don't like myself. I used to like me. But not anymore.
I have become mean again.

I'm bitter.

It's sad.

I don't know why I'm mean.

Maybe I'm jealous.

I really have come to realize I am the things I HATE.
It's scary really how I can not like so many things & I am what they are.
So I guess I am what I HATE therefore I HATE me.

I feel gross... I disgust myself.
I guess.

I'm not happy with anything.

I guess I'm stupid. I don't know how I became this.

HOW? How did I let myself get this way.
I'm mean to soooooo many people. and why?

really why? Have they ever really done anything so bad to me?
NO.

So in that case... what's my deal?
I don't know.

I'm just so sad.... lonely... bitter.... cold... wanting what I can't have.
Missing things that never really made me too happy.
Wanting something & I'm not quite sure what that is.
Needing some feeling that I don't have... I'm not too sure what that one is either.

I guess the boredom is getting to me.
But i can't blame all i do on the boredom.

I guess somewhere down the line I learned to hurt before you get hurt.
Somehow I feel that I'm mean so that i feel strong. I think I'm mean so that I don't show my weakness.

I don't know.

I'm lost... and the only thing I'm finding is I'm not liking me or what i have become.

posted by pink_blackbutterfly @ 4:54 AM