I realized today how insignifcant I am to everything.
for the 20 mins I thought I had seriously failed my class so I wouldn't graduate college.
I realized the world didn't end.
the only thing that's been on my mind is school and money .... GRADUATING.
i realized that the second my world stopped the rest of the world didn't.
this crushing news crushed nothing but me.
which in one way helped me realize that things will continue... no matter what life goes on.
but then I realized how completely unimportant i am.
i've never in my life felt important or cared about.
i realized today how much i do for others. I get such satisfaction out of helping people....
but it hurts to realize that it's hindering my everyday.
I love my friends more than time could ever tell....
but I'm doing with out ...(kind of) when they are doing with extras.
it hurts to know i can't buy gas to get us to school... but they can go to the movies.
I'd never tell them it hurt my feelings b/c i'm glad they went out and had fun.
but i guess they don't realize when I don't have the money to go some where it's b/c i paid their part of a bill or loaned them money.
the excessive niceness will never leave me and may just be my down fall.
it just hurts to feel like you'd give someone the shirt off your back in a blizzard... and you're not sure if they'd do the same.
I love them though. they are all i have and they put up with a lot of shit from me.
i guess we are even.
and it never changes
I'm still scared people don't like me, they are my friend b/c they feel sorry for me.
i hate this constant reassurance I need... b/c it pushes what little bit i have away.
sometimes it feels like some things in life I'll never have.
oh well
that's the way the cookie crumbles.
posted by pink_blackbutterfly @ 2:24 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home