july 20th
omg I'm over it all.
period.
I HATE my computer.
& I hate that I looked stupid at the apple store.
I'm sad & lonely.
seroiusly.
I don't have the worst life ever or anything.
I love where I live...& I'm in the process of having a great job.
so why would someone be down?
I'm jealous.
I'm jealous of every person who has a mom in their life.
I remember when I used to call my mom all the time.
I told her close to everything.
now
I don't even know her.
I miss her so much, but she drives me crazy.
she's a whole different person.
and as she slowy becomes sicker & her life gets harder... I just slowly disappear.
that's sad & wrong.
she's so proud of me & I've done nothing to be proud of.
I can't even gather the courage to go see her.
I can't deal with the fact that my family has nothing.
sorry.
sorry I'm scared to go see my parents....
b/c when i walk into the house I lived in for 14 years...
it won't have anything in it.
I don't want them to see me upset.
& I don't want to deal with me being upset.
I'd love to go rent movies & dinner there.
I miss it.
so bad.
& no matter how far away i pretend to be & no matter how much i distance myself.
it's doesn't mean I'm not sad, or upset, or missing them.
I feel like I have no one.
my 2 best friends... are barely here. they have their own lives now.
I live with two great people.
life is good...& I don't know where this came from.
I normally don't even think about my family.
I want someone to talk too.
no to judge me .. just to listen
to give me advice & their out look on things.
to make me laugh.
to make me forget there was ever anything wrong to start with.
I love the 4 friends I have here,
but I want something else.
posted by pink_blackbutterfly @ 1:23 PM
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