3/18/07 sunday
something.
no labels
just fun
on the same page
not obsessive
physical
there
i want something with someone... that doesn't have some lame lable or any drama.
just fun.
to be on the same the page. you both have fun together & like each other equally.
someone that doesn't have to spend every waking moment with you.
you have your friends. they have their friends.
you can hang out together , but you're also okay with hanging out separately.
someone to have around when you need someone to care.
someone to go to sleep with... cuddle.
you are both indepenant on your own & fine. but you both care about each other & like spending time together.
someone to to see a few times a week.
somone to share things with.
not very serious.
something drama free
something that can be ended if need be.... & ended on a good note.
or maybe just a friend with benefits.
all of this is very hard. when you hang out with a small group a friends
& are not meeting new people.
lame
i'm so lame.
how could i go and ruin the one thing that makes me feel okay about my boring life?
the one thing that seems to make everything go away
not to care
entertains us
wow now what am i to do?
i go & work at a mortgage company all day
i never have anything to talk about but that
blah
spring break woo hoo.
i hope this week is okay
b/c every day it seems more & more like i have nothing in common with my friends
<3 thursday was fun & i should happy not sad
the usual
I'm lonely.
it sucks.
i feel like i can't talk to my friends about anything. i feel like they don't understand. or they simple answers to complicated questions .... that just don't fit.
I'm scared.
I'm growing up... i have no clue what to do. this whole tax thing is very scary too me.
all i can think about is how i have to by my house or something.
yes i'd like to stop living is shitty rentals. but i can't afford it.
i feel like I'm being forced into something... kind of.
I'm lost I'm confused.
i don't really have anything to fall back on.
i feel like every decision i make is life changing. like I'm a million point fork in the road & every decision i make pushes me down one road... but if i go that way i can't come back.
i have nothing, no one to help, to fall back on.
my parents can't help me do anything
& my grandparents are too busy helping my parents.
& what in the world will i do when they are gone?
it sucks.
everyday is feels like I'm getting closer to being completely alone.
earlier i just wanted to lay in my bed in cuddle. i was in such a bad mood.
i guess besides my everyday problems I'm scared all my friends will grow up & move on
my family will die. & then i won't have anything.
grandparent's don't last forever & my parents are getting old & are sick
sigh
& i feel like I'm trapped in citi
I'm so scared to not have money, for something to big to happen & lose everything. i think it's bc i here everyday all day long.
i guess i want comfort & security
