i promise a happier blog is soon to come
there is no internet @ my apt so i'm at school..... oh dear
well i have just realized that all my time is wasted time
I waste all this time being unhappy and making crappy work.... when i could be doing fun stuff and having crappy work
if your work looks like you spent 5 mins on it..... then why not just spend 5 mins on it
I don't know.... I HAVE TO BE GROWN UP IN A YEAR.... AND THAT SCARES ME!
I don't have enough fun now to grow up in a year..... akkkkkkk
oh yeah and i feel that all time I'm not having fun and all the time I'm not producing good work... is wasted time...
oh wait.... that's all my time
well i don't feel like sitting @ school anymore ... it depresses me. I'm to my horribly boring apt
HEY OFF TO THE ZOO TOMORROW..... I WILL POST LOTS OF PICS!
waste
happiness is wasted everyday....
People who are happy have no idea how lucky they are
People who are good at something, people who have a passion, people who have happiness, people who have ppl that love them, people who are smart, people who are skinny,
soooo many people have no idea how lucky they are (even me)
but i feel that have none of the stated above... it's hard to explain
the 2 things that bother me the most I CAN'T CHANGE (4 things if you include my hair and school)
i try really hard to find the sunnyside of things... i hate it when people are so negative
but what i've come to realize is I'm everything i hate
i USED TO BE: good at what i did, smart, happy, thinner, felt loved
now: i'm horrible at what i do, my brain has gone down a garbage desposal, i'm fat ( i hate to say it... but i've never seriously been fat until i moved up here and gained this weight), i feel just ridiculed and judged and put down
even thought i hate it and think it's soooo stupid and i am soooo totally against...{sometimes i think that it would be nice if i had the will power to be anorexic, bulimic, and over exercise}
i'm so scared to go home.... the things people are going to say about me are going to be horrible
nothing positive will be said about me..... NOTHING
it's no wonder i never feel good enough ( well actually i'm not... but it all stems from this)
hopeless
crying
i HATE being a girl... this sucks. I'm crying now but not over school... about things i can't do anything about.
I can't stand not having something controlable.
I got a HORRIBLE HORRILE HAIRCUT..... JUST AWFUL
-my, mom, dad and grandma are going to BE SO MAD& SHOCKED when i see them next weekend
- i don't want to hear the horrible comments that are going to made about me
-I'm still wishing on someone elses star... well (i never use the word wishing but only in that one sentence)
things are only getting worse... it never seems to get better (i want someone tell me everything is ok... that i will be alright)
things are just so HOPELESS.... HORRIBLE HOPELESS
HOPELESS IS MY MIDDLE NAME
i'll never have anything i want
I'm sooooo sick of not knowing what i'm going to do when i grow up, not having anything i'm good at, not having something i'm passionate about, and not being good enough
nothing is changing
I've NEVER been good enough... and never will be not for anything or anyone
not to metion the fact that I've gained soooo much weight since I moved and to top it all off I got this ridiculously stupid haircut
I want to be positive but... i try to be positive.... but it just doesn't happen
in tears
I seriously have no will to go to school anymore.
it's pointless
the only thing that will keep me here is the fact that i took out a loan to be here... other than i would go home
the only reason i am in school right now as i type is brent made me come.
i give upon trying
trying to do anything I want do in any software for school .... is pointless.
It's not possible for me to achieve any of my goals for my projects
I JUST SUCK
I SUCK
HOW IN THE HELL CAN SOMEONE BE MY FRIEND. I'M HORRIBLE. WHY WOULD SOMEONE BE MY FRIEND.
I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE MY FRIEND
I've learned from this
Epiphany
ever had an epiphany where you realized you've been taking things all the wrong way... perceived things differently from reality
it really sucks
i'm sad... & there's nothing i can do about it
i can't change things... i just have to live with them
I've become pretty good at this pretending to be happy and not being sad thing... it's become a must in trying to get through the day
HOPELESS is the best word i can think of
"when i look in your eyes and still feel the same I know it's HOPELESS"
-the mile after
yay
Long time no post!!!! the pic's below are in backwards order. the last pic's to the first pics! but they were lots of fun!
I promise..... more posting lol!
